When I started OutOfHours blog I wanted to share my story of recurrent miscarriage and also help others in a similar situation if I could. So, with this in mind I have decided to write a series of blog posts about a few of the things that I did to help me deal with my miscarriages and how they may also help anyone going through recurrent pregnancy loss.
Please note – this blog post is based on my opinion and personal experience.
#3 Family & Friends
Perhaps the most obvious tip and kinds goes without saying… We all need good people in our lives not only when things are good, but also when life gets pretty shitty.
Family, if you are lucky, will be there forever. They are well and truly stuck with you (as you are with them)… Feel free to be grumpy, tearful, delirious, serious, sad, angry… Generally they will listen to you, give you those hugs, buy you nice things (like beer, wine, chocolate, flowers), they will do anything just to try to make you feel better.
Personally, we had mixed support from our huge families… Some where able to speak to us openly about miscarriage, asking us how we were really doing, whereas some struggled to say much at all. I get that. After all, miscarriage and baby loss is a difficult topic to talk about. Generally, I found that I was able to talk most candidly to those who were also trying to conceive or sadly had experienced pregnancy loss themselves.
Without a doubt the hardest part of all of this was going through my losses without my mum who died 19 years ago… I craved the support of my own mum during my lowest times, in fact I still crave that now – I wont lie (but I’ll write about this in another blog post).
Friends, well they are the family you choose. My friends are at various stages in life; some are trying to conceive, some had experienced miscarriage, some parents to young children. Mostly all of them understood my pain and were so unbelievably supportive. For some reason I found it easier to open up to my friends and more receptive of their suggestions. They would be the ones to suggest I try things such as mindfulness and acupuncture (post to follow). If all else failed, we would laugh for hours about times past over bottles of wine and prosecco. My kind of therapy indeed… I love my girls. They definitely saved me at times and I feel #blessed to have a small but close group of friends to rely on.
Lastly, my best friend a.k.a. hubby/hubster/hubs… He definitely managed to keep me sane. Partners can often be overlooked when it comes to miscarriage, but they really are going through it to! I wanted to make sure he knew he could also talk to me if needed. We spoke all of the time and through keeping good and open communication our relationship grew stronger and closer. We became a real unit. We spoke of our future with or without children and were okay with that prospect. I suppose the one positive of all of the grief and misery if the losses was that we were able to firmly cement our relationship and commitment to each other.
When the going gets tough we need to get talking…